No way!
by Tawnystripe
Summary: A series of humorous oneshots. CHAPTER 6 IS UP! They're at Baskin Robins. What happens when a clone of Jaypaw comes? Silverstream in places she shouldn't be, and boiling coffee. R
1. Leafpools attempt at helping

Squirrelflight's issue.

Squirrelflight opens the door

Squirrelflight: Ahh, Leafpool! You've finally arrived! Come in, sis.

Leafpool: So, I hear you are having problems with the triplets? I'm here to observe, so we can fix what is wrong with them.

(Jaypaw streaks by in a tutu)

Jaypaw (screaming): I'm a Barbie girl, In a Barbie wooooorld!!!!!!!!!!

Squirreflight: See?

(Jaypaw rams into the wall)

Jaypaw: Wahhhhh! I'm so blind and helpless and everyone treats me differently! Wahhhhh!

Squirrelflight: Oh dear! Are you okay sweetie? Let me get you some ice.

Jaypaw (spitting): Jesus, you piece of foxdung! I can take care of my self! You don't have to be like that just because I'm blind!

(Jaypaw storms up the stairs)

Leafpool: Well we've seen young Jaypaw, what about the others?

Squirrelflight: I think Lionpaw is in the kitchen.

(Leafpool follows Squirrelflight into a tiled room)

Squirrelflight: Lionpaw! Are you in here?

(A muffled voice is heard from under the sink)

Leafpool: What is he doing under there?

Squirrelflight: Don't ask me.

(Leafpool opens the cabinet to find Lionpaw curled up in a tight ball)

Lionpaw: Gahhh! The sunlight! It burns::twitches uncontrollably::

Leafpool: What the?

Squirrelflight: Yea, this happens a lot

(Lionpaw's eyes grow wide and his body shakes onto the tiled floor, foam flopping from his mouth)

Lionpaw: M-musst…. impress heaatheerrpaww-- ::Leaps in the air and starts barking::

Leafpool::watches Lionpaw bark and growl at her feet, his eyes rolled back into his head:: Umm….. I think its time we visited Hollypaw…. ::backs away slowly::

Squirrelflight::looks around nervously:: Uhh, maybe you should see Brambleclaw first.

Leafpool: Okay::turns to see Brambleclaw sitting on the recliner, his belly fat hanging over the sides::

Squirrelflight: He's really let himself go… Sometimes I wish I'd chosen Ashfur.

Leafpool: Ahhhh! The fatness! It burnnnssss!!!

Squirrelflight::smacks Leafpool across the face:: Hey! Don't judge people! It's not nice….

Leafpool: Oh yea! Just like how you didn't judge Hawkfrost!

Squirrelflight: Wait a minute! You said you didn't trust him either! And we were right, he ended up evil. DUHHH!

Leafpool: Yea well…. You suck!

Squirrelflight: Whoa Whoa, back up sister! At least I'm not a little beep. First Crowfeather. And don't think I didn't see you warming up to Thornclaw the other day

Leafpool: Excuse me::thwomps Squirrelflight over the head with a stiff rabbit::

Squirrelflight: Oh no you did-ent::takes out heavy duty chainsaw::

Hollypaw::walks in the room:: Ah, omsc! What are you guys totally doing?

Leafpool::mouth hung in horror:: You let her dye her fur?!?

Squirrelflight: I didn't let her, she did it on her own!

Leafpool: WTF?!?!? She's PINK!! She looks like a watermelon!

Hollypaw: Are you, like, calling me fat?

Leafpool: And why is she talking like that?

Squirrelflight: Don't ask me!

(Jaypaw runs by in a cheerleading costume)

Jaypaw: Gimmie an L!

Hollypaw: L!

Jaypaw: Gimmie an E!

Hollypaw: E!

Jaypaw: Gimmie a Leafpool is actually my mother, Crowfeather is actually my father and StarClan has lied to us all!

Brambleclaw: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!

Squirrelflight: No, honey, I can explain!

Brambleclaw: Oh and I bet now you're gonna tell me that none of these kits are mine and they're actually Stormfur's!

Squirrelflight::looks about anxiously:: Uhhh….. Of course not!

Leafpool: And I'm the beep?

Brambleclaw: That's it Squirrelflight! I'm leaving you::jumps out window::

Hollypaw: Did dad just, like, fly?

Squirrelflight: What just happened? Leafpool, you were supposed to come over here to help with out problems, not make them worse!

Leafpool: pssshhh, you actually think I would help you? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that's hilarious!

Lionpaw: GAHHH!!!! THE LIGHT! SOMEBODY TAPE UP THE WINDOWS!!! GAHHHHHH ::in and out of the room with his paws over his eyes::

Leafpool: Okay lets see…. Jaypaw is gender-confused and blind, Hollypaw is now pink and really annoying, and Lionpaw seems to be a rabid vampire gopher-fish with an obsession.

**Authors Note: I was extremely bored, so I wrote this. I liked writing it though! I hope you enjoyed reading. I'll prolly make some more later if I'm bored enough.**


	2. Nightclouds being pissed on!

Nightcloud's many issues

Crowfeather::kicks Nightcloud hard in the babymakers:: Get up, you piece of crap!

Nightcloud (spitting): What are you doing?

Crowfeather: Your kit is running around and pissing all over every senior warrior in the camp!

Nightcloud::bursts out in laughter:: Yea right! Now leave me alone Crowy.

Crowfeather::scowls and goes to wash the urine from his pelt::

Breezepaw::enters the den and pisses all over his mother:: HaHa!

Nightcloud::leaps to her feet, pee dripping from her whiskers:: What in StarClan has possessed you to do this?

Breezepaw: Pssht, be lucky I didn't beep on you.

Nightcloud (screeching): Where did you learn that language, young tom?

Breezepaw: Not from you beep beeps that's for sure. ::pisses all over his mom again:: HaHa! Peace out!

Nightcloud::tears from her den:: Onestar!

Onestar::talking to Weaselfur:: Man, that chic gets on my nerves so much sometimes I just want to take her little black head and------------ Oh Hi Nightcloud….

Nightcloud: Do you know who's been teaching my little kit how to be naughty?

Onestar::flicks Nightcloud the middle claw:: beep off

Heatherpaw::walks up to Nightcloud and sniffs rudely:: Uhh, no wonder nobody likes you…

Nightcloud: What the hell is going on?!?!?!?!? Ugh, maybe Whitetail will talk with me.

Whitetail: SHE HAS GENITAL HERPES, EVERYONE RUN::everyone scatters::

Nightcloud: Are you kidding me? Screw you guys, I'm taking a walk.

(Walks to the edge of the ThunderClan border)

Jaypaw::still in his cheerleading outfit:: Hey, Look at that thing!

Hollypaw: Omsc, it's a puppy!!! Come here puppy, comeeeerrree doggie woggie::giggles::

Nightcloud: What is wrong with everyone today?

Hollypaw: Ohh it looks like the puppy is retarded! We should bring it back to camp!

Jaypaw: Wait, Lemme hoola hoop first::takes out hoola hoop from his back pocket and starts to spin it:: I'm a little princess blind but sweet

Nightcloud (to Hollypaw): Gender-confused?

Hollypaw: Having trouble talking retard puppy? Here I'll help you with that. ::random cage appears out of nowhere::

Nightcloud: godbleepit I am not a dog!

Hollypaw: Ohh and look, Ms. Jaypaw, he has herpes ::sniffs:: and he smells like pee!

Jaypaw::stuffs Nightcloud into tiny little cage and stalks off::

Hollypaw: Don't worry retarded herpes puppy, I'll get Leafpool to come and bring you back to camp.

Nightcloud: That foxdung? Don't bother, I'd rather you leave me here!

Hollypaw: Aww look, you're trying to, like, communicate again! You're such a stupid retarded herpes puppy!

Tawnystripeauthor: Oh and Newly hot pink Hollypaw, the retarded puppy also has this weird disease that if you don't pee on him every sunhigh, he'll start humping everything in sight.

Nightcloud: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I DO NOT!

Hollypaw: Like, okay!

(back in ThunderClan camp)

Firestar: Ahh, Hollypaw, You've found a puppy!

Sandstorm: It's a pretty friggin ugly puppy if you ask me…

Nightcloud: Why don't you come over here and say that to my face!

Sandstorm: Haha, look, its retarded ::points and laughs::

Firestar::locks Daisy into the cage with Nightcloud:: There, just as Tawnystripe said

Daisy: Oh hello::spazzes a little:: I'm a paranoid loser that nobody likes::spazzes again and pisses all over herself and Nightcloud.

Nightcloud: I'm not a dog, I don't have herpes, And I am a GIRL!

Thornclaw: Aww, look! I think it has a crush on Daisy!

Nightcloud: I do not!

Lionpaw::runs around camp:: AHHHHHHH!!!!!

Leafpool: Hey look, here is my date!

Crowfeather::struts his stuff down the cat walk::

All She-cats besides Nightcloud::sigh and faint::

Nightcloud: Crowfeather! You are my mate, and I forbid you to cheat on me!

Crowfeather: PERVERT::slaps Nightcloud::

Nightcloud::looks at Crowfeather again::

Crowfeather::slaps again:: PERVERT!

Nightcloud::dies::

Clan: ………….

Clan: YAY::thows wild party::

Firestar: Okay Onestar, you can come out now!

Onestar: Thanks, I thought I'd never get rid of her.


	3. Bluestars Pudding Problem

**Authors Note: **

**YAY! I like to make people laugh ::snickers:: Okay I'd like to thank **_Anaen, Thrushflight, and Readerfanfic_** for reviewing my last chapter. And **_Jaystar and Shadowpup_ **for reviewing the first chapter. This chapter kind of sucks, but you can still read it if you want to! I was in a bad mood when I wrote it but yea. I think next chapter will be about Firepaw…muhahahahahaha. I guarantee you it will be better than this one. Oh and Ideas are always welcome. R&R**

Flashback to the past

_Bluefur's issue: Falling out_

Oakheart: Hey honey! I'm home from work!

Bluefur: Where have you been::twitches:: Mosskit, Mistykit and Stonekit are driving me CRAZY!!!!!

Oakheart: Oh and it's my fault that I have an actual job! Being deputy of RiverClan is hard work!

Bluefur: I would've been ThunderClan deputy if it weren't for these kits that YOU bestowed upon me! Caring for three kits is harder than your job that's for sure!

Oakheart: Fine. ::Hacks Mosskit into little bite sized pieces with an axe:: there, two kits should be easier to take care of.

Bluefur::bottom jaw hits floor:: YOU JUST KILLED OUR KIT!!!

Oakheart: Yes, yes I did ::waves butt in air:: Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh. You know, Graypool could do a better job caring for them than you.

Bluefur (sarcastically): You've got to be beeping me…

Mistykit::runs around crazily:: Beep beep beep beep! Hey dad, you're a piece of beep. Hehe, hey Stonekit I learned a new word!

Oakheart: That is it! You are an abusive mother! I'm taking our kits back to RiverClan!

Bluefur: You just hacked one of our kits to pieces and you're telling me I'M abusive?

Oakheart::takes remaining kits and runs out front door:: Graypool will care for them!

Sunstar::randomly appears:: Bluefur, you are now the new deputy of ThunderClan!

Bluefur: Yay!

Thistleclaw: Wha? Buh Suhstah thah noh faaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhhhhhhhh!!! I shoo behh deputahh::sucks thumb::

Tawnyspots::kicks Thistleclaw hard in the spot that hurts:: Shut up dawg! I needa get my gangsta sleep, yo.

Thistleclaw::writhes on floor, whining::

Bluefur: Woooooooosh::leaps in air and clonks her head on disco ball::

Jaypaw (still in cheerleading outfit): That's alright, that's okay! She'll be up in a few days! Wooooo!

Lionheart: What are you doing here? You don't show up for another two series, and a magna!

Jaypaw::blows up::

Lionheart: Okay, then….

Crookedstar::leads RiverClan into camp:: Where is my crack?! It was supposed to be sent to me last night.

Tawnyspots::takes out shotgun:: Yo, son. Chill out homie, before I blow your bleepin brains out.

Mistykit::streaks through camp:: bleep, bleep, bleep! Hey Stonekit, I learned another new word!

Crookedstar::loads his pistol:: RiverClan, get ready!

RiverClan::takes out series of knives, guns, and axes::

ThunderClan::takes out series of pigs and other farm animals::

Tawnyspots::rolls eyes:: You got to be beeping me…

(everyone starts firing guns and….hitting each other with pigs)

Pig: OOIIIIINNNK

Sunstar::gets shot in the face::

Tigerclaw: Oh my God! They killed Sunstar!

Lionheart: You bastards!

Tawnystripeauthor::appears and shocks everybody:: HEY! HEY! HEY! Number one! That should have been bleeped out! And Number Two, This is not South Park, this is a horrible rendition of Warriors! Got it, Lionheart?

Lionheart: Yess Tawnystripe…

(RiverClan leaves, and Bluefur wakes up)

Bluefur: What happened?

Spottedleaf: Sunstar didn't give Crookedstar his daily dosage of crack, so he killed him.

Bluefur: Yay::licks the pig::

(Bluefur goes and becomes Bluestar)

Bluestar: I'm back from Highstones everyone!

ThunderClan: Ohh no, crazy is back!

Bluestar: WHAT DID YOU SAY? I now declare war on StarClan for letting this happen!

Tigerclaw: Hey look, I have some pudding!

Bluestar: Pudding?! Where, Where is this pudding::hops up and down and drools all over keyboard::

Tawnystripeauthor: Ohh come on! Now I have to wash the keyboard ::leaves while jeopardy music plays in the background and everyone waits::

Tawnystripeauthor: Okay, back!

Oakheart: SUNNINGROCKS IS MINE! ALL MINE!!!

Redtail::thowamps him over the head with a rock:: There, no more problem.

Tigerclaw::bites Redtail:: There, now I will be deputy of ThunderClan… ::cackles::

ThunderClan: …………

Tigerclaw: I mean…. There, now I have avenged Redtail… MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

ThunderClan:……….Good job Tigerclaw::Celebrates::

Bluestar: PUDDING PUDDY PUDDY PUDDY PUDDING!

Graypaw::walks into camp with Rusty:: Heyy everyone

Fangirls: Oh My Gawd! It's Graypaw!!!!!

Graypaw::gets fanglomped::

Bluestar (Praying): StarClan, please send me all the pudding in the world…

StarClan: Fire alone can save our clan…

Bluestar: What are you StarClan, stupid? I specifically asked for pudding…


	4. Firestar's unexpected lives

Firestar Receives his lives…BAHAHAHAHAHA

Cinderpelt: Omsc, lol. Bbml Fireheart, I'm ttly going 2 prty.

Fireheart: What?

Cinderpelt: Mi prty radar is bzzing, ttyl!

Fireheart: Okay? Do I touch my nose to the Moonstone now?

Cinderpelt: Uh, Duh! I'll brb!

Fireheart: Huh?

Cinderpelt: Just touch ur nose to the bleeping stone!

Fireheart: Okay! Okay::touches nose the Moonstone::

(He opens his eyes and is at Fourtrees)

Fireheart::StarClan appears:: Wow!

StarClan: Have you come to receive your lives and dedicate your life to being the best leader you can be?

Fireheart: Uh, why else would I be here?

StarClan: DON'T BACK SASS ME!

Fireheart::chews off his own arm:: Loopy Froggy Men!

StarClan: Good.

Bluestar: Fireheart… You are the Fire that saved our clan. Are you ready to receive your first life?

Fireheart: Bow Chicka Wow Wow

Bluestar: Okay then… With this life I give you the power of pissing on cats you dislike. Use it wisely… ::presses nose to his head::

Fireheart::feels liquid seep down his face:: What? What kind of life is that supposed to be?! (Nightcloud haha, sorry I had a flashback)

Bluestar::backs away:: You'll see.

Redtail: Fireheart, Are you ready to receive your second life?

Fireheart: I guess… ::unconsciously pisses all over Redtail::

Redtail (furious): What was that for!?

Fireheart: I didn't do it purposely! I swear!!!

Bluestar::laughing hysterically in background:: I knew that would come in handy!

Redtail: Oh really Bluestar? Then what do you think of this?! Fireheart, I now give you the life of humping gray cats. ::presses nose to Fireheart's forehead::

Fireheart: Hehe…. ::leaps over Redtail and starts humping the air::

Bluestar: Uh oh….. ::tries to run away::

Fireheart: GRAY CAT! MUST HUMP::runs after Bluestar, traps her in a corner and humps wildly::

Redtail: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ::dies of laughter::

Bluestar: ACK! Get off of me::shoves Fireheart away:: Someone quick! Give him his next life!

Lionheart::runs up:: Fireheart!

Fireheart::spins around:: ANOTHER GRAY CAT!... oh no its just you Lionheart.

Lionheart: With this life I give you the power to hack up loads of hairballs like a machine gun::makes gun noises, then presses his nose to Fireheart::

Fireheart: COOL::does happy dance:: I've always wanted to be able to do that!

Swiftpaw: Man! I bleeping cant believe it! I don't want to give this bleep a life! I bleeping cant stand him!

Brindleface::smacks Swiftpaw and shoves him foreword:: Go, NOW!

Swiftpaw::muttering nasty things under his breath:: With this life I make you a potty mouth. Use it to offend whoever you can!

Fireheart::Fireheart's head turns into a toilet:: Hey! How'd this happen? (This actually sounded like bah bluah balludh bluahd nguen, because his head is a toilet)

StarClan: ……….

Fireheart: MUST HUMP GRAY CAT::drowns Bluestar in his dirty toilet water::

StarClan: ……………………………..

Bluestar::gets reincarnated back into StarClan:: PUDDING MUST HAVE PUDDING!!!!

Firehearttoilet::turns a vanilla pudding color:: Gahhh! What is happening?!

Bluestar: PUDDING! OMSC OMSC!

Nightstar::clonks Bluestar over the head with Firehearttoilet and puts her in a straight jacket:: Finally! She needs to be in a mental institution.

Brindleface: Fireheart, with this life I give you the power to be the best hoola hooper in the world!

Jaypaw (appears): Hey! That's my title!

Lionheart: Where do you keep coming from?!

Jaypaw::explodes::

Fireheart: What's hopscotch?

Jaypaw::explodes again::

Fireheart::explodes:: That's hopscotch?

Lionheart: Ugh, No!

Spottedleaf: I fart in your general direction::farts at Firehearttoilet::

Silverstream: Spottedleaf, you are such an $$

Tawnystripeauthor: HEY! I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU FIND LOOPHOLES! NOW BE GONE!

Silverstream::gets poofed::

Fireheart::fires wet hairballs out of his toilet face::

Sunstar: With this life I give you the power to set things on fire with your eyes.

Tawnystripeauthor: HEY! You are not supposed to be here! Haven't you read the script?

Sunstar: Suck my bleep, you bleep! That's what you get for getting me killed!

Tawnystripeauthor: ………….. :o

Fireheart::sets some cow bleep on fire:: FIAH! (he screams 'fire' in a weird Japanese voice)

Fireheart::throws at random StarClan warriors::

White Michael Jackson: OOOOWEEEEEE….. FIAHHHH STARRRRR YESAAS

Young Black Michael Jackson: Somebody shoot me!

Fireheart: okay!

Tawnystripeauthor: Jesus…. Only three more lives to go… Quick, Some random cat just give him lives!

Jaypaw: Okay!!!

Lionheart: WHERE ARE YOU COMING FROM?!?!?!?!

Jaypaw: Grampaw! With this life I give you the power to be fat like my Uncle Brambleclaw!

Fireheart: NOOOOOOOOO…. Wait a second…::reads script:: oh okay…. NOOOOOOO!!!

Jaypaw: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ::starts stripping off his cheerleading clothes:: duh duh duhduhduhduh duh duh…

StarClan: GAH, shield your eyes!!!

Jaypaw::explodes the universe with his nakedness::

Tawnystripeauthor: Man, why does Jaypaw have to ruin everything?????

**Authorsnote: I particularly enjoyed writing this one This was requested by the super awesome ReaderFanFic! I also took Thrushflight's turning Fireheart into a pudding color..lol. I don't get writers block when ppl give me ideas! So Ideas are super always welcome::waves magic wand:: REVIEW!**


	5. ThunderClan is So Perverted

ThunderClan is sooo Perverted

(The day after Firestar comes back from Moonstone)

Firestar: Hey everybody!

ThunderClan::everyone stops and stares:: Uhhhhh……

Firestar: What?

Hollypaw: Are you, like, aware that you have, like, a toilet for a head?

Firestar: Uhh, Duh? If I didn't, could I do this::flaps head around, making swishing noises::

Ashfur: I don't have a toilet has a head, and I can do that::swishes around with the occasional clunk::

Whitewing: Well Ashfur, that's because you are a bleep head.

Ashfur: Am not::crap starts oozing out of his ear::

Whitewing: My point exactly…

Sandstorm: Honey, you're finally back!

Firestar: Oh man, now I'll never get to jack off tonight!

Sandstorm::watching a butterfly:: Oh what was that?

Jaypaw (Now in some weird sundress) ::gurgle gurgle gurgle::

Graystripe::gets fanglomped:: Ahhhh Somebody help me!

Firestar::spills some of his toilet water on Graystripe:: Ooples Wait- GRAY CAT GRAY CAT::starts humping Graystripe::

Graystripe: WTF?

Sandstorm: WTF?

ThunderClan: WHAT THE FU---DGE?

Brambleclaw: Firestar, do you have any lubricant?

Firestar: Yea here. ::tosses tube towards Brambley, but misses and accidentally hits Cinderpaw in the head::

Sandstorm: Why do you even own that?

Firestar: Psshhht, you think you satisfy all my needs?

Sandstorm::slaps Firestar's toilet face::

Firestar::head falls off::

Sorreltail: Oh great! Now where am I supposed to go to the bathroom?

Cinderpaw: Mommi, what's lubricant?

Sorreltail (to Brambleclaw): Why did you have to shout that?!

Brambleclaw: Hey at least I didn't ask Firestar for a blowjob!

Cinderpaw::shouts:: Whats a blowjob?

Firestar: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Cinderpaw: Berrypaw, what's a blowjob? Can I give you one?

Berrypaw: Um, yes I know what a blowjob is. And Yes you can--- ::Brackenfur looks sternly:: I mean uhh No::runs away::

Lionpaw: FINGERBANG! IT BURNSSSSS::paws over his eyes::

Cinderpaw: Fingerbang?

Brackenfur: Something you do with your finger…..

Cinderpaw: What's a finger?

Brackenfur: Oh my StarClan, just shut UP!

Daisy::kicks Cinderpaw::

Tawnystripeauthor: CHILD ABUSE, CHILD ABUSE! Daisy! You have made a violent offence on a cat younger than you! You must now go and face the consequences!

Daisy::Gets poofed::

Jaypaw (Explodes into scene): Jeez I almost hit the floor! Don't look right behind that door::points to door::

Birchfall: Weird… I don't remember that being there….

Honeypaw::swings door open:: OH MY STARCLAN!

(Thornclaw and Spiderleg are making out I a corner)

Dustpelt: SPIDERLEG! No! I can't live with myself knowing that my son is gay::Takes out long knife::

Tawnystripeauthor: No! No suicides::poofs Dustpelt::

Ferncloud: NO! Now who am I supposed to make endless love to?

Foxkit: Mommy! Make Uncle Ashfur stop touching me!

Ferncloud: ……. WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Tawnystripeauthor: NO MOLESTING LITTLE KITS ASHFUR!

Ashfur::gets poofed::

Brackenfur: What happens to the cats that get poofed?

Brambleclaw: Yea!

Jaypaw: 0o0o0o0o0 Pick me, ME::waves hand wildly in air::

Tawnystripeauthor::poofs Brackenfur and Brambleclaw:: YOU'LL SEE NEXT CHAPTER!

Two hours later (All of the apprentices are sitting at lunch)

Cinderpaw: Uhhh...::shudders::

Hollypaw: Like, Oh My gawd Cinderpaw, Like, stop kicking me!

Cinderpaw: Nuhh... ::eyes roll back a little::

Lionpaw: There is dEFinatly SOMething GoiNG on Under THEre!

Jaypaw::looks under table:: Okay?

Berrypaw::Also Looks:: Who's that?

Cinderpaw: WHAT YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A GOAT PLEASURE SOMEONE BEFORE?!?!?!

Everyone: ...

**Authors Note: I know this was shorter than the others but I just had to make it! This is how my life is basically, a series of perverted jokes that goes back and forth in between me and my friends. This is basically how our lunch table's conversations consist of. hahahahaha. That goat conversation was actually something that occurred, no there wasnt a real goat, but we were pretending there was. LMAO. **


	6. Baskin Robins

**Authors Note: Omsc I'm soooo sorry I havn't updated this story for s0o0o0o0o long! I'm not gonna lie when I say that I've actually have been SUPER MEGA BUSY! I was so annoyed that I never had time to write this, so today I dropped everything so I could write. I even have to say that I don't think this is all that funny…. I was actually disappointed when I read it back to myself, but whatever. I think it mite b because I'm running out of funny ideas….. I could use some suggestions, I love when people ask me if I can write one of their plots, that way I don't get writers block**.

**Will some1 send me an idea or two maybe? I'd 3 you 4 all eternity. And I'll give you credit.**

**Just so you know, these are the cats that got poofed : Silverstream, Dustpelt, Daisy, Ashfur, Brackenfur, and Brambleclaw. (and of course, Jaypaw just because he is an awesome cat and can poof himself wherever)**

Brambleclaw (looks around the dark room) Where are we?

Brackenfur: I don't know, but that flashing light is really starting to piss me off.

Silverstream (jumps off of tall flat surface) Hey! How'd you guys get poofed?

Tawnystripeauthor: they didn't do anything wrong, I just like them and wanted to make sure they were in my next chapter.

Silverstream (grumbles some profanity under her breath) Please save me from Daisy and Ashfur!

Ashfur: HEYLOOKWHOITIS,BRAMBLCLAWANDBRACKENFUR! (twitches and screams)

Brambleclaw (slaps Ashfur across the face) what is wrong with you???

Brackenfur (runs up to the big blinking sign and stares into the light) AHHH MY EYES! IT HURTS!

Silverstream: Quick! Somebody get some of that liquid!

Daisy: This one? (points to a tube that has the word 'hot coffee' on it)

Silverstream: Yes! (Franticly pours coffee into cup) Quick, Brambleclaw, pour it over Brackenfur's head!

Brambleclaw (pours steaming hot coffee onto Brackenfur's head)

Brackenfur: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HELP!

I CANT SEE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Daisy: (bursts out laughing) Cofahhh Coffeah Mehhhh!!

Jaypaw (explodes into scene) Whoa! I want to try! (Takes tube of hot coffee and pours it into eyes)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this is fun!!! Come on everyone! Try it!

Silverstream: RUN! (cats scatter)

Jaypaw (laughing like a maniac): I will get you! Ahahhahahahahahahahahaha (begins squirting everyone with boiling coffee)

Ashfur (face melts off): GOBBLE GOBBLE!

Jaypaw2: Hey! I'm hula hoping with a Baskin Robins donut!

Brambleclaw: so THAT'S where we are!

Jaypaw: Wtf? I'm Jaypaw.

Jaypaw2: What are you talking about? I'm Jaypaw, duh. Who else can hula hoop this good with a donut?

Brackenfur: NUHHH!! (still writhing in pain on the ground)

Silverstream: SHUT UP BRACKENFUR! I'm trying to listen to this!

Jaypaw: I can hula hoop better than you any day!

Jaypaw2: Is that a challenge?

Brambleclaw: I don't get it, how can there be two of you?

Jaypaw: I don't know, how come you're so fat?

Dustpelt (dressed in all black): There's no point…. Everyone is just a thought anyway, we are just an idea…… we don't really exist……

Silverstream: Which is the real Jaypaw?

Jaypaw: (explodes) Now I'm in my most comfortable Abercrombie cropped shorts, there is no stopping me!

Jaypaw2: (exlodes)

Brambleclaw: Where'd he go?

Jaypaw: In your butthole.

Jaypaw2: (pokes his head out of Brambleclaw's butt) HI EVERYONE!

Brambleclaw: WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Daisy (faints)

Silverstream: OMSC I WANNA DO THAT! (yanks Jaypaw2 out of Brambleclaw and shoves her own head in)

Brambleclaw: GET HER OUT OF ME! (runs around with Silverstream's body hanging out of his ass)

Tawnystripeauthor: NO I ACCIDENTALLY DIDN'T BLEEP THAT OUT ::poofs self::

Tawnystripe: Hey, I'm part of the story now!

Brambleclaw: Do you mind getting her head out of my butt?

Tawnystripe: No, I actually think it's quite funny.

Brambleclaw: You sort of look like my sister.

Tawnystripe: Okay? (throws chicken nugget at Ashfur's melted head)

Ashfur: GOBBLE!

Jaypaw: CHICKEN NUGGET! (eats nugget and then explodes into nothingness)

Silverstream: humminahhh nauahhh rawhhh (then some other muffled noises)

Jaypaw2: WAIT FOR ME, JAY! (explodes)

Dustpelt: I need some more vodka…..

Tawnystripe: (sings) I think its time for Dustpelt to come out of the closet And if he doesn't, I'm gonna take out my GUN! (pulls out pistol)

Cats: scatter and scream, running and smacking against random glass windows.

Brambleclaw: (sings) Tawnystripe's very angry… I hope she doesn't catch me… Its so hard to run with Silverstream hanging out my butt!

Brackenfur: (sings) Tawnystripe's got a gun… Baskin Robins is not real fun…. What made Tawny snap? Was she tired of Ashfur's crap? I know that Daisy's really running, now that Tawny's got a gun, and things are never gonna be the sAmE!

Ashfur: GOBBLE GOBBLE IH8MUSICALSTHATSWHYIDIDNTWATCHHIGHSCHOOLMUSICAL2!!!

Daisy (gapes) You didn't?

Silverstream (pulls herself out of Brambleclaw's butt, and is now covered in shizz) KILL HIM!

And that is how this chapter ends, with them taking out Ashfur (sorry Ashfur lovers)


End file.
